He who dares…

I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it’s all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Its not possible he will love you more than I could
He who dares to stand where I stood

He has no idea what he is gotten into. He won’t even notice. You will accept him but always know I loved you knowing your secrets. Your scars. Your everything. Its not possible to believe you will find more. You know inside its the truth. You know the truth is you miss me but you try to block our past out. I love you too. I miss you blue eyes. I miss your soft skin. I miss the way your lips taste after your drink of choice that evening. I miss the way our bodys move together. I miss our singing in the car. I miss you. I miss us. I miss the times before July 2010. That was the beginning of our end. It wasn’t far the narrow-mindedness took over your trust we could make it. You gave up more than you realized. I hope I fought enough but I got so tired of fighting for us both. I got so tired of having no hope in the eyes I loved so much.

LMAO

Have you ever seen the movie Hangover? Yeah…my weekend didn’t have a tiger, chinese guy or a baby BUT it was definitely the craziest night I have ever had. Oh the stories I could tell would make ANYONE pee their pants. Next…St Paddy’s in San Fran. Shesh this is one crazy week!!! lol

newspaper

Dear newspaper,

You don’t bring good news to us. Instead you have created 10 emails nearly every hour for me. I know people need their information but I have a lot of other work to do too. Also, please don’t put my picture in the very front page of the paper again. It wasn’t a pleasant surprise.

Thanks,

me

Compliment…

Enjoyed a compliment. They said they haven’t seen me this happy in a long time. Its as if you are finally sure of yourself again. I laughed and said thanks. It feels good to be me again. I guess I didn’t realize other people noticed what I was feeling inside. It’s nice to be confident enough to shoot someone down because they want in my bed. It is also nice to simply be friends with several people remaining steadfast to not wanting anything more than a friendship. It is true people try really hard to get my attention in various ways but it isn’t happening. This year is about me doing things for me. I am ready for my trips and experiences this year. I suppose its my journey like “Eat, Pray, Love”. The irony of when I first saw the movie. Ha. Regardless I am curious to see where I am after a year for myself. So far…so good. It not about finding freedom. It’s about finally being set free from so much I was holding onto. Sure I have trust issues but that will fade in time. I am thankful for one of the pursuers. I think it has giving me the confidence to see the red flags & not fall into the same traps. Thank you God for helping me not rush in again. Thank you for giving me the self-confidence I need to be single for however long I need to be until I find one who is worthy of my heart. I could not be at this place without your grace on my mistakes. Thank you to those who have listened intently to my struggles even when they never knew what I had experienced. I am blessed beyond measure.

Live a little…

Sometimes I have done things just because it was safe. Sometimes I have done something that didn’t make sense to anyone including me. Maybe I will do something this time that doesn’t make sense but for whatever seems right. Now it is time to live a little…think a lot less…explain nothing because some things don’t need an explanation. Yup. This should make for an interesting new theme in my life…live a little.

Hillsong: From the Inside Out

Good song…i heard it at my parents church over the weekend.

A thousand times I’ve failed Still your mercy remains And should I stumble again Still I’m caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control Consume me from the inside out

Lord Let justice and praise become my embrace To love You from the inside out Your will above all else, my purpose remains The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control Consume me from the inside out Lord Let justice and praise become my embrace To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out